Thursday, 30 December 2010

Worst films of the decade


Just to prove not all comic book films are made of awesome this piece of shit was made. I've never particularly enjoyed the comic, the film was even worse than I expected though. Jessica Alba was fucking horrific, I have no idea why people go on about her, she isn't a very good actress, and she isn't that hot. Seriously the film is like watching a soap opera made for kids. I have shits that turn out better than this film.

9: 10,000 BC (2008)

Can anyone remember a time when Roland Emmerich made good films. Seriously though, he did Stargate and Universal Soldier then did giant expensive dumps all over the screen. Smearing them in a mass of GCI across our faces. This film had a model in the main role, need I say more. It made a shit load of money but ultimately failed at everything it tried to do. Oh the main actor in this was also in the Covenant which was also on the short list for the worst films of the decade.


Why Milla, why? This film looked awesome, I was looking forward to seeing it. But then badness happened. I loved the idea behind it but it ended up looking ike a shit computer game with a plot that got lost somewhere along the way. Made of bad.


As previously mentioned there have been some fuck awful vampire films made recently. This was one of them. It was a good concept very poorly executed. Apparently the recipe to make this film was get a great cast and a decent set of directors together, have a great idea then fuck it up. Seriously though this could have been awesome. Like Gattaca with vampires but ended up more like something Uwe Boll would make.

6: LEGION (2010)

Another good looking film with a good cast done so badly I had to srtuggle to get to the end. Dennis Quaid was in a bad film, it had to happen sometime. Normally he may be in a bad film but he's really good in it but he just wasn't in this. There is nothing good about this film. It is one of the dumbest things I've ever seen and yet again takes a good concept and actors and turns it into shit. It's like the KFC in Livingston, the house of disappoinment.


This is a film based on a role-playing game. I have no idea where Ron Pearlman is meant to be from. I don't even think he does his accent is so bad. I feel like I'm actually wasting my life writing about this film, I've already wasted enough watching the bloody thing.


The original is hysterical, I would put this in the worst remake catagory but I hated this so much I had to put it in with the big boys. I don't know who decided the way to make a film better was to put lots of music in it. This person should be lined up and shot. Like Chicago it proves that just because something works on the stage doesn't mean it'll work on film. Hairspray and Little shop of horrors did the whole film turned into a musical yet again turned into a film thing well. This didn't.

3: THE SPIRIT (2008)

This film was so bad I almost walked out the cinema. Frank Miller basically took a great comic book and tried to redo it like one he'd written, it didn't work. At no point can he decide if it's meant to be gritty or funny, and the two things just don't sit well together. I would actualy go as far as saying that this film is the worse comic book film ever made. I can't think of any worse than it. Even Dick Tracy isn't this bad.

2: BABYLON A.D. (2008)

Yet another shitty film I went to see in the cinema. I thought this looked awesome and I'm a huge fan of the director. At somepoint during the film though it turned to shit. For no reason the characters began to change everything about themselves. The hard mercenary began to laugh and smile, even though nothing had actually happened to suggest he should. If anything he should be even more angry that he's having to look after someone who's contstantly being a dick. The only thing I can think of is that this film had some crazy editing doneby the studio which left out half the script, because that's what it felt like. In the end it didn't make much sense. It did look amazing though as you would expect from the guy who directed La Haine, but that's not enough to get you through the film.


What the fuck is wrong with this film. The actors seem to have forgotten how to act and they're running away from wind in the grass. I used to love M. Night Shyamalan films, and I tried really hard to like this. It even has Zooey Deschanel in it. Nothing can save this film from being a waste of 90 minutes. Time I'll never get back. Time I could have spent watching Hawk The Slayer. Fuck looking at the patterns in my wallpaper is more fun than watching this. Please M. Night Shyamalan, make another good film soon, before it's too late. If it isn't already that is.

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