Tuesday 30 August 2011

10 outstanding Horror films I've bought lately

What a catchy title right??? Sorry I am fully aware how crap I've been updating this blog lately. I have a ton of films sitting to review but haven't had the time... So here's a quick way round it. Here's a list of 10 outstanding horror films I've bought lately. Some are old, some are new,all of them fucking rock.

They aren't in any order... Well they are in the order that I picked them off the shelf and sat them next to me but you get what I mean.

10. "Don't Look Now" (1973)

This classic psychological horror stars Julie Christie and Donald Sutherland trying to deal with the death of their child. It possibly features some of the most iconic images ever seen on film, I know I'll never buy any kid of mine a red rain coat. A lot of people don't like this, I ,however, am a huge fan. They manage to make Venice look both beautiful and menacing. Whilst you go on a strange journey through it's underbelly.

9. Switchblade Romance (2003)

This is the first French film on the list. It's a classic slasher film that manages to feel fresh and original. Which is hard to do since America has been so hell bent on releasing so many crap ones lately. I mean seriously, all the fucking boys love mandy lane, my bloody hell 3D... Fuck off, just fuck right off back to your mansion in the hollywood hills you incompetent prick.

Wait I was meant to be talking about Switchblade Romance, Alex and Marie go to the countryside to visit Alex's parents. Unfortunately for them it just so happens to be a the same time as a bloody homocidal maniac, who then pretty much kills everything and everyone. I can't speak highly enough of this film, if it had been made in the seventies in America this would be one of the classics. It still is, you just may not know about it.

8. Leprechaun (1993)

FUCK YEAH... I'm the fucking Leprechaun. I love this film, to make life even better I found it on dvd for £1. Yeah that's right bitches, classic american horror for £1. A young Jennifer Aniston get's hounded by Warwick Davis in a leprechaun suit. I love films like this, America used to throw them out all the time and you'd find it next to Critters, Ghoulies,  and A nightmare on elm street 3 in the video store. It's actually a little sad that films like this don't really get made anymore. It's awesome, get some friends round, get some booze and you'll have a great night.

7. Stake Land (2011)

This is another great film, but I knew it'd be great. How did you know I hear you ask... Danielle Fucking Harris. She is an outstanding actress and has been making great films since she was a kid. What do you mean who the fuck is Danielle Fucking Harris. How dare you sir, a plague on your house. You clearly didn't spend your teen years living in the video store. She played the Daughter of Bruce Willis in The Last Boy Scout, she was in Halloween 4 and 5, Don't tell mom the babysitters dead... Really, what the hell is wrong with you???

Anyway Stake Land is a bleak apocalyptic film in which Humans hide in fear of Vampires as they spread through the country like a zombie plague. You follow a group of survivors as they make their way across the bleak landscape running into pockets of humaninty and crazy religious sects, all the while trying to survive the vampire menace. It's an outstanding low budget film and proves that America can still make a good horror film.

6. Martyrs (2008)

This is quite possibly the greatest and most disturbing horror film ever. I actually had to sit for a 10 minutes after the film ended to collect myself. It may have been longer. I genuinely have no idea, but it was a while. This film made me run out and spend lots of money on French horror films. Seriously I can't speak highly enough of this film.

Without ruining anything, a girl who had some horrible things done to her as a child attempts to find the people who brutally tortured her as a child with the help of her friend. All I'll say about the rest of the film is that if you start watching it, no matter how harsh it gets, and it's fucking harsh, you have to watch it until the end. You won't regret it.


5. King of the Zombies (1941)


So it's a film about a Nazi scientist kidnapping people and turning them into voodoo zombies so he can steal war secrets. What you're not sold already, seriously. It's a classic old film, the highlight of which is the performance of Mantan Moreland who you may remember from the Charlie Chan movies. He is outstanding and manages to poke fun at his ridiculous stereotyping. He makes this film great, even better is the fact that you can watch it online for free here... http://www.archive.org/details/King_of_the_Zombies.

4. Ils (Them) (2006)

Many of you have probably managed to catch this, I watched it a few years ago but only recently bought it. Another outstanding french horror film in which a woman and her husband are terrorised by a group of hooded youths. I watched this after Eden Lake which is another great film that roughly follows the same idea, I think it kind of blighted me against this the first time round. Recently I've come to appreciate it a lot more. It is terrifying and makes me happy I don't live in the bloody country... Full of maniacs apparently.

3. Wake Wood (2011)

This is the first of the recent Hammer Horror films which actually feels like a classic Hammer film. It's eerily reminiscent of films like The Wicker Man, and other british classics. A year after the death of their child Aidan Gillan and Eva Birthistle move to a village, it's the classic set up as they realise all is not well in the village. Timothy Spall is amazing as the creepy Arthur, who seems to have a strange hold on the village. Yeah I'm trying not to give too much away, as I want you to go out and buy the damn film. It's an awesome creepy ass film worthy of being a Hammer Horror.

2. Frontier(s) (2007)


What another french film James, are you fucking shitting us. No, I'm not and you wanna know why. Nazi fucking cannibals. For times when being a Cannibal just isn't nasty enough. Fuck yeah. A group of bank robbers organise to meet up in a country hostle in the middle of nowhere after a job goes horrifically wrong. Unfortunately for them it kind of all goes even worse from there. They really don't get a fucking break these bank robbers. Again with the french films it's brutal as all hell, like there must be something in the water there or something cause they make some fucked up films.

1. Rammbock :Berlin Undead AKA Siege of the Dead (2010)

This time it's a German film, proving that you don't have be made in France for me to buy your damned film. This is the rather awesome story of Michael, who heads in to Berlin to try and patch up things with his ex girlfriend. Unfortunately for him this just so happens to coincide with a bloody zombie outbreak in the city. He ends up getting stuck in his ex girlfriends flat with a young plumber called Harper. Damn.

The film focuses on the survivors trying to communicate and help out other people who all live in the same block but can't get out their flats. It's a very clever and effective film which like all the films on this list is well worth a watch. So go out and fucking watch them already. By the time your done I may have even had enough time to get off my fat ass and do another blog.


Friday 5 August 2011

Super 8

Director:
J.J. Abrams
Starring:
Elle Fanning
Kyle Chandler
Joel Courtney
Remember back in the day when you'd go to see films like Gremlins or the Goonies, great films that had some kids go on some crazy adventure. Wait... you don't... Eh, okay. Aracnophobia... Jurassic Park... You know the kind of films I mean though right ????

This is one of those films. I wasn't expecting much from the trailer, but fuck me this is one of the best films released this summer. I don't know if it's just the nostalgia of it all, reminding me of going to Livingston cinema every weekend while my mum went shopping but this film is everything that got me into films when I was a kid. It's got a big ass monster, the military coming into a small town, and kids going on a crazy adventure.
The acting is outstanding, it's filled with great character actors. The kids performances are outstanding and they're actually kids. Not some fucking 25 year old masquerading as a teenager.

And the most important thing about this film, it's not in 3D, it's not a shitty adaptation of a book or comic or cartoon or rollercoaster ride, it's not a sequel, it's an actual original film. Okay it's a homage to a lot of the crap I loved in the 80's but this is a film that was written to be a film. How often does that happen these days. This summer how often have you been to the cinema to see an original action film that doesn't already have a fanbase. I can't actually remember the last time I saw one. Let alone the last time I enjoyed a film as much as this. I'd love to hate J.J. Abrams, but the guy can make a fucking good film.