Saturday, 4 December 2010

The Gorgon


Terence Fisher

Christopher Lee
Peter Cushing

If you have read the above and don't realise this is going to be an awesome film before you get any further into the review, just stop. Stop reading right now you fucking moron. This is the team of people that brought you some of the greatest horror films of all time, not just the fifties or sixties, but of all time. So put down your copy of My Bloody Valentine 3D and pick up a copy of this to see how a horror film should be made.

Terence Fisher worked for Hammer and made some of the studios best horror films, don't believe me. Ok, prepare to have your little mind blown people. He directed, Dracula, The Curse of Frankenstein, Hound of the Baskervilles, The Mummy, The Two Faces of Dr. Jekyl, Curse of the Werewolf, The Phantom of the Opera, and Dracula: Prince of Darkness to name just a few. I mean the guy was a classic movie machine. The Gorgon is though to be one of his best, and I have to agree with that.

You can see by the picture that's he's clearly a mentalist, he's like "Hey you, cuntface. Watch my fucking movie". Who am I to disagree.

So the film opens with spooky ass music and a still of a castle, then we get the back story scrolling up to fill you with foreboding. Then a guys painting a semi naked chick. She doesn't look to chuffed but hey there's almost boob. Sixties boob, which is by far the best boob. Modern film boobs are mainly fake and would most likely be used as a floatation device if the girl was drowning but back then it was all natural boobage... Yeah I said boobage.

She's all like pregnant too apparently, but they're not married, which since the film is set in 1910 is pretty much frowned upon. It's not like now when any prepubescant get's pregnant at the drop of a hat and their punishment is getting a council flat. This was back when bad things would happen to you. Bad things for having the sex. Bugger.

So he runs off to tell the girls dad he's "not going to evade his obligations", possibly the most romantic thing I've ever heard. She runs after him, there's a full moon, she sees something, cue the scream and it's daytime. Enter one of the main men of horror, PETER CUSHING. He knows Biggles, DO YOU WANNA BE A HERO... Hell yeah.

Don't worry I'm not gonna go through this film scene by scene so you don't feel like you have to watch it. It's too good for me to ruin. I'm just setting the scene here a little bit, letting you know what's going on so it makes you want more. Oh and go out and watch Biggles if you get the chance, it's awesome. I can't stop singing the theme tune now.

In walks Doctor fuckin Who. Yeah, the amazing Patrick Troughton, who often appears in Hammer Horror films. He's a cop and he's out for revenge, no wait he's more asking for Peter Cushings help with several disapearances over the last few years. As you all know by now he's asking the right guy cause the Cushing is awesome. Oh he was also Doctor Who in the film version, so there was just two Doctor Whos on screen. GEEK OVERLOAD.

DO YOU WANNA BE A HERO, HERO, HERO... So they think the artist guy from the start may be the murderer, even though the girl has clearly turned to stone so I dunno how the hell they jumped to that conclusion, scapegoat anyone? Well the Cushings not fooled, he's been through far too many of these films to get sucked in by that crap. Oh I should probably mention at this point that the artist guy has been found dead.

So the guys Dads busy trying to be Batman, cause the Cushing doesn't want to get involved yet. DO YOU WANNA BE A HERO. D, D, D, D, DO YOU WANNA BE A HERO. Best theme song ever. But that's Biggles and I'm starting to lose my place. Yeah Batman. I should probably take a second out, before I digress so much I can't get back to my point of how awesome this film is, that the casting is outstanding. As with most Hammer Films it has a stellar cast, Barbera Shelley plays Peter Cushings assistant, Michael Goodcliffe plays Professor Heitz the artist guys dad. Things don't go well for him in the film but he's awesome in it. Christopher Lee hasn't even appeared yet. It's a giant film fucksicle.

So as I said, things don't go well for the artists dad, so he's more Condorman than Batman but hey, his death leads to a scene with Christopher Lee and his other son, the new hero of the film, Paul Heitz (Richard Pasco). Cue the music, DO YOU WANNA BE A HERO... C'mon it's a film about the first world war AND time travel.

Anyway as the professor is dying he manages to write his son a note explaining how he was dying and why. Which is a little morbid. AND THE CUSHING STILL WON'T HELP, the new guys practically begging with his face all like needed help and junk. Even Barbera Shelley is trying to help the guy. If he didn't know Biggles I'd be losing all respect for the man right now.

Now we get to hear what a gorgon is. For all you people who don't know your greek mythology very well Medusa and her two sisters were gorons. So now you know where you stand with the bad guy. When I was a kid I read a lot of greek mythology at the same time as reading bible stories so I get them confused. I keep waiting for Moses to meet the minotaur, for Jesus to hit a giant with a pebble. Just as well I don't believe in that god chap or I'd be in some trouble.

Oh bugger the young guys now in hospital, the Cushing knows whats happening but for some reason he's being a cunt and not helping anyone out. Probaby due to the fact it's a bloody mythical creature and he doesn't have Perseus with him to take the bitch out. Damn you Perseus.

Zod this movie is awesome, like if you haven't already ordered this from amazon there must be something wrong with you. I got it in a nice box set with The Two faces of Dr. Jekyll, Scream of Fear, and Curse of the Mummys Tomb.

The film is going on in the background by the way, my concentration must have been frazzled by all the crappy videos on MTV cause I am clearly all over the place. Not ranting about evil cats this time, even though they are made of evil. EVIL.

Finally an hour into the film Chrisopher Lee arrives as a main character and not just the guy passing Richard Pasco a note. Awesome.

Now I'm trying not to ruin the film for anyone, I've set it up enough to let you know that the last half hour is made of awesome and shits gonna go down. I mean Christopher Lee has arrived, and he know's his shit. He's already fully aware of his greek mythology, more than Richard Pasco and he's been here for the last 20 minutes. But I suppose he's like the Cushing, he's been in these kind of film before, he knows his shit when it comes to evil. Though he does have a tendancy to play the evil guy in these films, so really he should know what to expect more than anyone else in the film.

So not spoiling the film I am going to talk about the films only flaw, the Gorgon in the film is called Megaera. She however was not a Gorgon in greek mythology but one of the Erinyes, born of the blood of Uranus when Cronus castrated him. The Erinyes punished people who commited marital infidelity. The Gorgons were Medusa, Stheno, and Euryale, had hair made of snakes and their gaze turned people to stone. Don't say I'm not good to you. All learning and junk.

So to end this film is awesome. I've tried no to give away too much so it won't ruin it for anyone. I'm off to watch Biggles. DO YOU WANNA BE A HERO, HERO, HERO. D D D D DO YOU WANNA BE A HERO.

The Gorgon on youtube

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