Monday, 25 April 2011


Kenneth Branagh
Chris Hemsworth
Anthony Hopkins
Natalie Portman
Tom Hiddleston

Thor... the first big ass marvel film of the year, and it's an exciting year for comic book films in general. Wait I forgot about the new Ghost Rider film. Okay so it's a pretty good year for comic book films. The first from Marvel is the mighty Thor in 2D. Yes I went to see it in 2D because 3D is a waste of fucking time. I actually find it worrying that I refered to it as 2D. The fact that I feel the need to make that clear made me die a little inside. But this isn't another rant about 3D and the blight it's creating in the storytelling void that is Hollywoodland. It's a review of Thor motherfucker.

It's actually awesome. I am a huge fan of Thor ever since I got a hold of the old cartoon as a child. So Captain Kirks dad plays Thor and he looks like he's put on a whole other person of muscle. Seriously he's bigger than China in this film. And I mean the country not the strange shemale wrestler. 

The film looks stunning and it appears Kenneth Branagh decided to make it a jaunty angle film. You know the style I mean. You suddenly find yourself turning your head to see it right. This calms down after the first 30 minutes or so. It's not a complaint, it works well in the first half of Thor's arrival on Earth. Oh that's not a spoiler by the way, it's happens in the first 2 minutes of the bloody film.
The cast in this film are outstanding, Rene Russo is worryingly underused but I think it shows that the Kenneth Brannagh wanted to make an outstandingly well acted film, even in the smaller roles. Oh and the Punisher is in it too. Okay not the character but Ray Stevenson who played him in War Zone. There is a major geek out moment in the film but I won't spoil it for you. You've probably heard about it online from various cunts who like to spoil shit but you won't hear it from me.
Ultimately this film is highly enjoyable, it's very well acted by a rather awesome ensemble cast who at no point get into an acting battle to see who can steal the scene. Kenneth Branagh handles it well though some of the action sequences were a bit over cut. Not transformers you can't tell what the crap is going on over cut but at times it comes close. Anyway that's my dinner calling. Go see the film, it's awesome and stay until the end of the credits. You won't regret it, even though they take fucking ages. Like a whole other film ages, they mock us with their long credits. Atleast there's something there. I waiting forever for the Incredible Hulk credits to end and there was bugger all. KHAAAAAAAAN!

Friday, 15 April 2011


Wes Craven
Neve Campbell
Courteney Cox
David Arquette
Emma Roberts
Hayden Panettiere

This is a spoiler free review of Scream 4, mainly as anyone who puts in spoliers is generally a cunt. So what the hell did I think of it. It was actually really good. I'm biased though as I am a fan of the franchise... Well the first two anyway, the third one wasn't that great to be honest. The time away has done the franchise a lot of good though. As the poster says, new decade, new rules.
Don't get me wrong, this film has the classic retreading of details. The rules have changed, and they want you to know about it. At times the fact the film constantly deconstructs itself can actually become a little irksome. The acting from some of the unknown backup cast members can be a little dodgy but the main cast are good with the exception of a couple of moments which are completely forgivable. 
Like all the Scream films at times it isn't as clever as it thinks it is, but you don't really mind because at some point in the film. I can't pin point where exactly, but at some random point in the film it just becomes the awesome film you hoped it would be. It has funny moments, and like all the other films it works as a slasher film. It also has a good dig at the recent spate of remakes and reboots that Hollywoodland keeps throwing out at us. But it's a Scream film, I'd be dissapointed if it didn't.

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Source Code

Duncan Jones
Jake Gyllenhaal
Michelle Monaghan
Vera Farmiga
Jeffrey Wright

Wooooo Source Code, thank fuck I went to see this film as well or my brain may have died. If you missed the last blog I went to the cinema on Saturday to see two films. One was Sucker Punch. If you've seen it, you know what I mean about the brain death.

Anyway, I am becoming a huge fan of Zowie Bowie, Moon was one of the best films in recent years. Science Fiction has recently become a bland affair of big budget alien invasion films and Moon was a breath of fresh air. I was worried this would be an inadequite follow up. I was wrong. It was fucking awesome.
The premise, Jake Gyllenhall works for the military, he's placed into the last 8 minutes of someones life on a train that's about to blow up. He needs to get some clues together to catch the bomber who has threatened to set off another bomb in Chicago later that day. Time is limited on both ends.

The pacing of the film is awesome. It could easily have turned into crap but it's executed to perfection. Jake Gyllenhall gives his usual awesome performance. I keep thinking he's been in tons of crap films but thats not true. I blame The Day After Tomorrow and the poster for Prince of Persia. I didn't have to see it, the poster did enough to put me off.
I don't want to go into the plot too much, it's hard to go into without people shouting about spoilers. I would however just like to say that if you find yourself going to the cinema in the next weeks or so, see this film. You won't regret it. Duncan Jones is an awesome director and I can't wait to see what he's going to do next. Rock Awesome.

Sucker Punch

Zack Snyder
Emily Browning
Scott Glenn
Carla Gugino
Jon Hamm

So it was Saturday night and being the social motherfucker that I am I went to the cinema by myself to watch two films. The first I'm going to talk about is Sucker Punch. You may have noticed this from the name of the blog and the big fucking picture above, but there's a lot of idiots out there in internetland so I'd better spell out shit as I go along.

The film starts off with a big ass music video, within it you get given a quick back story for Baby Doll and why she ends up in the asylum. There's no background story for anyone else. Actually it goes into a burlesque style club fantasy within a first couple of minutes of her entering the asylum. There's no long explanation about it. You really don't need it.
I would actually like to point out that the plot isn't that important. It should really be called Cool Things Happening To Music. Seriously. There's no real plot, or acting ability on show. The script is cringworthy throughout. There's a crap voice over at the beginning and end which really isn't needed and made me want to rip my ears off so I'd never have to hear it again. You have no emotional investment in the characters. When the girls get into trouble you don't care if they get out of it or not. You just want to see cool things happen to music.

Don't get me wrong, I actually really enjoyed all the cool things happening to music. I especially loved the girls running around in Lord of the Rings with machine guns. I mean it has sooo many flaws it's actually painful but I really enjoyed it. It's good fun. Just don't expect to leave thinking anything other than how cool the bjork song was in it, and how amazing some of the set pieces are. It's the kind of film that you should probably see in the cinema or at home if you have a big ass TV because all the cool things happening to music won't be as cool if you have a crappy wee TV. Just don't expect to leave the cinema having been affected by the girls struggle. It's not Girl Interrupted. All I'm saying.