The worst/most disappointing sequels of the last decade

5: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST (2006)

Jack Sparrow does something in a film thats now all about Jack Sparrow and everyone else is just a bit player reduced to funny one liners in a film series that should have left this film out and just fit it in to thirty minutes at the start of the third one. Now breathe. This was just two and a half hours of set up for the next film. It was useless and made me wait until the third one came out on dvd before watching it. I am rather looking forward to the new ones, just as long as they don't make the same mistake they made here. Cunts.

4: BE COOL (2005)

You have to worry when you have a film that features such an amazing wealth of talent, and at the end all you can find to say is that the Rock was good in it. That's all I've got. The sequel to one of the best Elmore Leonard adaptations was horrible. Like being forced to eat a milkshake of puke and feces.

Even just watching John Travolta and Uma Thurman redo the dance from Pulp Fiction made me throw up a little in my mouth. It's like when they were making it they all thought it was going to be awesome and spent the whole film trying to look good in it instead of making a good bloody film.

3: INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL (2008)

This film left my childhood destroyed. As if Shia LaBouf hadn't done enough by destroying the Transformers for a whole generation he wanted to fuck up this too. But it would be wrong of me to blame him for this. It really has nothing to do with him. It was all about the poorly written script and the fact that Harrison Ford looked like he couldn't be bothered throughout the film.

The script was allegedly thrown out by Ford years before because he didn't think it was good enough. It really wasn't. George Lucas hasn't been anywhere near a good film in twenty years. Try to find one, you won't.

2:  THE MATRIX RELOADED and REVOLUTIONS (2003)

What the hell happened there. One minute The Matrix was one of the best films in years and then within the space of a year it was one of the worst franchises ever. Why did everything turn green? Why did the end seem like a long episode of Dragonball Z? Just why? This should have been awesome, they had built up an amazing world that they could have done so much with. No one could have expected this.

The films basically go, plot, big action sequence, little bit more plot that's trying really hard to be intelligent but is just contradicting itself, big action sequence, even more convoluted plot that you're starting to realise isn't actually going anywhere then another big action sequence. Then end. This film tried to hard to be the new star wars for adults. In the end the sequels ruined the first one for me.

1: AUSTIN POWERS in GOLDMEMBER (2002)

The Austin Powers films are fucking awful. I liked the first one, but I didn't like the second one which spent most of the time repeating jokes from the first one. Then this one just used jokes from the first one, adding all the jokes that weren't funny in the second film. Then it threw in some new characters that weren't funny, but had a catchphrase you could put on a t-shirt or poster to sell merchandise because for some reason people loved these films and the stupid catchphrases.

They were shit, they weren't funny, the only funny thing about them was Seth Green and the odd joke that they would slowly beat you to death with by constantly repeating it. Thank fuck they never got round to making a fourth one. I don't think I could take everyone saying "yeah baby" again.

The worst remakes from the last decade

5: DAY OF THE DEAD (2008)

Anyone who casts the tiny wee Mena Suvari as a hardened military woman is clearly a moron. My 8 year old daughter looks like she could take her in a fight. Add to that Nick fucking Cannon and what's the fucking point. The zombies are ridiculous looking CGI creations that climb up walls in the most ludicrous fashion. I was lulled into a false sense of security by the Dawn of the Dead remake. This had nothing to do with those people, and you can tell. I bought this, it was a waste of money and 90 minutes I can't seem to drink enough to make me forget.

4: THE FOG (2005)

Yet another one of my favourite films getting the remake treatment, but they seem to have replaced the cast with teenagers. Okay the cast looked young but were probably playing people their own age. It just didn't work though, they were far too pretty. It was like Antonio Island was were all the pretty people went when they weren't busy whoring it up at spring break. The only person who worked in this film from the main cast was Selma Blair and that's because she's awesome most of the time. The rest can just fuck off, yeah you heard Superman with your crazy super hearing. FUCK OFF!

3: THE PINK PANTHER (2006)

There is only one funny moment in this film. The hamburger moment. I have watched this one part of the film countless times and I still wail with laughter every time. Unfortunately it's the only time in the film when Steve Martin reminds us why he used to be funny. The rest is shit. Jason Statham isn't in it long, Jean Reno continues his trend of dodgy American films and the whole thing is wrapped up with Beyonce being a useless cunt. This never had much of a chance though. Even when he was funny Steve Martin wasn't capable of being the new Peter Sellers. Now he was a fucking genius.

2: I AM LEGEND (2007)

Fuck me I was excited when I heard about this. Will Smith is awesome in it too. I have no idea why they decided to make the vampires crazy zombie vampires that can climb up walls and shit though. All the tension from the book and previous films was ruined when you realised that the bad guys could have got to him at any point. And what the fuck was the ending about. I've watched the different endings on the directors cut and the one they chose was by far the worst of the bunch. They turned not only one of the greatest books of all time but two classic films into a pile of shit when they had it all there. This film should have been awesome. They fucked it up.

1: THE WICKER MAN (2006)

As you may have noticed I have fallen out with Nicolas Cage. The original is one of THE classic British horror films of all time. This is one of the biggest piles of shit my eyes have ever had the unpleasant job of watching. There is nothing good about this film, The performances reek like the fish supper I threw into the back of Richards car which he didn't find for 3 weeks. Words alone cannot describe how bad this film is. Choosing between this and a device created by Jigsaw, I would have hard time deciding what would be worse to go through. If you haven't seen it, don't. It's 100 minutes you will never get back.

The worst things to happen in film over the last decade

5: NICOLAS CAGE

Out of his last 23 films made in the last decade I can only say I've enjoyed 3 of them (haven't seen Bad Lieutenant but it's meant to be good, allegedly). Some of the shit he's made is beyond belief, the remake of The Wicker Man was almost unwatchable and Ghost Rider was one of the biggest piles of shit I've ever had the misfortune to see.

My main problem with him is that he can act, but just can't be fucked anymore. He just makes piles of fecal matter that have his face on the cover of the box with stupid long hair in an action pose. Stop it, get back to making good films, we know you can do it cuntface.

4: TWILIGHT

I hate to admit it but I saw the first Twilight film, in the cinema, by myself. I was at work and I had a couple of hours with nothing to do. I went to the cinema, it was the first thing to come on, I didn't know much about it. To be honest I'm never going to complain when I get to see a film for free. It was remarkably okay. Until I watched it at home and realised I'd been duped. Here's me actually telling people the film was worth a watch  when it was actually just some twee nonsense about sparkly vampires.

Maybe that's the point though, maybe that's what bugs me most about these films. They're mediocre but have created a whole subgenre of not only films, but humanity. People are scary about twilight. I'm looking over my shoulder right now waiting to be hit by a rock or team Jacob bag. These films take over lives. That scares me.

3: THE WAYANS BROTHERS

I remember watching and loving I'm Gonna Get You Sucka, the film was funny as hell, but something happened somewhere which turned the Wayans brothers into a giant blockbuster beast. a beast of badness that makes really bad films, which aren't funny, but for some reason people still go and watch. Seriously though Little Man took $100 million at the box office, White Chicks took $113 million. What the fuck. Is it just me. Did I miss a meeting ?

2: REMAKES

There has always been remakes, but in the last decade Hollywoodland realised that they could make a shit load of money for virtually no investment. I remember reading an article which spoke about the huge stacks of cash they made from Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Dawn of the Dead remakes (they cost a combined $38 million and made $210 million), which would no doubt lead to more horror remakes. The studio owns the rights to the film already, it has an automatic audience, so there's very little threat to their investment.

This has created a torrent of hideous remakes, Prom Night, My Bloody Valentine, Black Christmas, all of which made a ton of money. Which leads to more remakes, then they start to remake other films like Clash of the Titans. Nothing is sacred now. Soon they'll be remaking Casablanca with Zack Efron as Rick, Kirsten Stewart as Ilsa and set it during spring break in fucking 3D. Which leads me on nicely to...

1: 3D

What the fucking fuck? Seriously though does every film have to come out in 3D? I mean some films work very well, all you have to do is go to see one of them and watch the trailers. Half of them look amazing and the rest just look like it's a waste of time. There is no need for most of the films coming out in 3D to be 3D. Especially the ones that aren't even shot to be in 3D, but they add it in afterwards. It's the equivalent of afterbirth.

They have a film which is mediocre at best but then realise they can make an extra couple of quid per ticket by giving you a pair of glasses when you enter the theater. And they're still doing all the same shit that was stupid years ago, only a few films have tried to do anything new with the format. They do them well, they make loads of cash, then Hollywoodland seem to think it'll work all the time with everything. It doesn't, please, please, please, please fucking stop it now.

Worst films of the decade

10: FANTASTIC FOUR (2005)

Just to prove not all comic book films are made of awesome this piece of shit was made. I've never particularly enjoyed the comic, the film was even worse than I expected though. Jessica Alba was fucking horrific, I have no idea why people go on about her, she isn't a very good actress, and she isn't that hot. Seriously the film is like watching a soap opera made for kids. I have shits that turn out better than this film.

9: 10,000 BC (2008)

Can anyone remember a time when Roland Emmerich made good films. Seriously though, he did Stargate and Universal Soldier then did giant expensive dumps all over the screen. Smearing them in a mass of GCI across our faces. This film had a model in the main role, need I say more. It made a shit load of money but ultimately failed at everything it tried to do. Oh the main actor in this was also in the Covenant which was also on the short list for the worst films of the decade.

8: ULTRAVIOLET (2006)

Why Milla, why? This film looked awesome, I was looking forward to seeing it. But then badness happened. I loved the idea behind it but it ended up looking ike a shit computer game with a plot that got lost somewhere along the way. Made of bad.

7: DAYBREAKERS (2009)

As previously mentioned there have been some fuck awful vampire films made recently. This was one of them. It was a good concept very poorly executed. Apparently the recipe to make this film was get a great cast and a decent set of directors together, have a great idea then fuck it up. Seriously though this could have been awesome. Like Gattaca with vampires but ended up more like something Uwe Boll would make.

6: LEGION (2010)

Another good looking film with a good cast done so badly I had to srtuggle to get to the end. Dennis Quaid was in a bad film, it had to happen sometime. Normally he may be in a bad film but he's really good in it but he just wasn't in this. There is nothing good about this film. It is one of the dumbest things I've ever seen and yet again takes a good concept and actors and turns it into shit. It's like the KFC in Livingston, the house of disappoinment.

5: MUTANT CHRONICLES (2008)

This is a film based on a role-playing game. I have no idea where Ron Pearlman is meant to be from. I don't even think he does his accent is so bad. I feel like I'm actually wasting my life writing about this film, I've already wasted enough watching the bloody thing.

4: THE PRODUCERS (2005)

The original is hysterical, I would put this in the worst remake catagory but I hated this so much I had to put it in with the big boys. I don't know who decided the way to make a film better was to put lots of music in it. This person should be lined up and shot. Like Chicago it proves that just because something works on the stage doesn't mean it'll work on film. Hairspray and Little shop of horrors did the whole film turned into a musical yet again turned into a film thing well. This didn't.

3: THE SPIRIT (2008)

This film was so bad I almost walked out the cinema. Frank Miller basically took a great comic book and tried to redo it like one he'd written, it didn't work. At no point can he decide if it's meant to be gritty or funny, and the two things just don't sit well together. I would actualy go as far as saying that this film is the worse comic book film ever made. I can't think of any worse than it. Even Dick Tracy isn't this bad.

2: BABYLON A.D. (2008)

Yet another shitty film I went to see in the cinema. I thought this looked awesome and I'm a huge fan of the director. At somepoint during the film though it turned to shit. For no reason the characters began to change everything about themselves. The hard mercenary began to laugh and smile, even though nothing had actually happened to suggest he should. If anything he should be even more angry that he's having to look after someone who's contstantly being a dick. The only thing I can think of is that this film had some crazy editing doneby the studio which left out half the script, because that's what it felt like. In the end it didn't make much sense. It did look amazing though as you would expect from the guy who directed La Haine, but that's not enough to get you through the film.

1: THE HAPPENING (2008)

What the fuck is wrong with this film. The actors seem to have forgotten how to act and they're running away from wind in the grass. I used to love M. Night Shyamalan films, and I tried really hard to like this. It even has Zooey Deschanel in it. Nothing can save this film from being a waste of 90 minutes. Time I'll never get back. Time I could have spent watching Hawk The Slayer. Fuck looking at the patterns in my wallpaper is more fun than watching this. Please M. Night Shyamalan, make another good film soon, before it's too late. If it isn't already that is.

Best Horror films of the decade

10: EDEN LAKE (2008)

Finally it's the last of the genre lists for the decade, and I've left my favourite genre till last. Unfortunately most of my favourite horror films were made 30 years ago but I found some amazing ones to add here. I was torn between this and the film THEM (Ils) to go into tenth spot. They both go over the same kind of territory but I picked this one mainly due to it's amazing British cast. Kids on the rampage terrorise a couple on a romantic getaway. Brutal, but engaging.

9: [rec] (2007)

An amazing Spanish horror which was inevitably remade by those peeps in Hollywoodland. As with all remakes the original is superior, like the recent Let Me In though it did a bloody good job. A TV reporter and her Cameraman are following some Firemen on night shift, when they get a call, things go wrong. The shaky camera documentary stylereally works here and before you know it you can't look away.

8: DOG SOLDIERS (2002)

You know a films good when Sean Pertwee dies in it, soon as he appears you spend the rest of the time waiting for it to happen. His death in this film is awesome. Neil Marshall is quickly becoming one of my favourite directors, this is the first of two films of his on this list, and he's only made four of the fuckers. A military unit go on an excercise and it all goes horribly wrong, but they wouldn't have expected werewolves after all. Sausages, that is all.

7: NIGHTWATCH (2004)

A crazy russian vampire film that had the best use of subtitles I've ever seen. Unfortunately these don't appear on the dvd which really fucks me off because they're meant to be there according to the damn box. Motherfuckers. There's been some awesome vampire films made in the last decade, a lot of shit too from Hollywoodland but there's only two american films in this top ten due to the fact that at times it seems like  America couldn't make a good horror film if it's life depended on it. Cunts. But yeah this film is awesome. Go watch it.

6: SAW 

(2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010)

The Saw films have been a bit hit and miss. The storyline has become so convoluted that you have to watch the previous film before the new one. Ultimately though the franchise as a whole has been really enjoyable. I regularly find myself contorted whilst watching the horror unfold. The films themselves cost practically nothing and make a shitload of money. Seriously though it only cost $67 million to make all seven and they've made $864 million. Now that's some fucking profit.

5: DAWN OF THE DEAD (2004)

This is the only remake on any of my lists, it's also only the second and ultimately the last American film on here. I loved this film, I usually hate the fast Zombie thing but here it really works, and scared all shades of crap out of me. Zack Snyder took the original film and changed it enough to make it a different film, whilst at the same time paying homage to to the original, which I have to say is one of the best films ever made. There's some nice extras on the dvd too. I heard that they were planning a sequel to this at one point and I kind of wish they had. Oh don't go near the remake of Day of the Dead, it's so bad it made my eyes bleed.

4: THE DESCENT (2005)

The other Neil Marshall film on the list, well I did warn you. Again I loved this film, a group of women become trapped in an unmapped cave, and they're not alone. Apparently in America they changed the ending, what the fuck. I loved the ending, I loved every bloody part of it. It came out around the same time as the American film The Cave, which sucked ass, and didn't make as much money. Ha ha cuntfaces. The sequels pretty good too, and there's rumours of a third one. I hope there is, let's face it, there are worse franchises out there.

3: LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (2008)

Another amazing vampire film, there's been a few in the last decade which have tried to push the boundaries of what has become a tired subgenre of horror. It's a beautiful film, extraordinarily well made and acted. There's nothing about this film I didn't enjoy. I even enjoyed the remake, but the less said about that the better before I start receiving all that hate mail again. See this one's on here and the other one isn't, this is the better film. I just enjoyed the remake is all and you're all just a bunch of cunts. Still haven't read the book, but I really have to at some point. Awesome.

2: PAN'S LABYRINTH (2006)

This is a beautiful fairy tale horror film, and when it's brutal it doesn't hold back. It probably the best looking film on this list, but Guillermo Del Toro knows how to make a good film, and the art direction deserved the oscar it received. This is in no way the scariest film on the list. Some people may even not call it a horror, but since it continues a lot of the themes from the also excellent Devil's Backbone, I felt it deserved it's place here.

1: 28 DAYS LATER (2002)

Just writing the title down gave me a shiver. This is the best zombie film made since Day of the Dead and it's at the forefront of the disease created zombie subgenre. This film not only scares the shit out of me but also leaves me with nightmares for a couple of nights after. The cast are amazing, and the whole concept of how easy it is to catch is just... put it this way, I am a person with a zombie escape plan. If this kind of outbreak was to happen we'd be fucked. I have nothing to combat it. They're faster than you, if you try to attack them you will most like catch it unless your body is fully covered. Fuck me, just fuck me. There are no other words. Possibly the scariest film ever. Loved the sequel too, roll on the third one.

Best Science Fiction films of the decade

10: SOLARIS (2002)

This is based on a novel by the Polish writer Stanislaw Lem, and borrows heavily from the 1972 Russian version. It's the strange story about a group of isolated astronauts seeing strange visions, with the real world and dream world blending into each other as the film progresses. George Clooneys career is amazing. From Killer tomatoes to being that hot guy on ER and a shit Batman, he's become widely regarded as one of the best actors working in Hollywood. The cunts a good director too.

9: THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY  (2005)

DON'T PANIC. Yes it's the film version of one of the funniest science fiction book series ever made. This film was always going to be good. If it wasn't then geeks (like myself) around the world would have been hunting the people responsible and reciting some Vogon poetry to them. The only thing that bugs me about it is that they set up The restaurant at the end of the universe and haven't bloody made it yet. Get your finger out assholes.

8:  SUNSHINE (2007)

I think my favourite thing about Danny Boyle is that you have no idea what he's going to make next. He went from the amazing 28 days later to Millions to Sunshine to Slumdog Millionaire. The guy doesn't hang about in one genre, but while he's there he makes an awesome film for that genre. Better than some directors that have been hanging around in that scene for years. This is better than any of the Science Fiction Steven Spielberg has done and he bloody loves the space and aliens. As with some Danny Boyle films the ending goes a bit  awry but it doesn't harm the film in any way.

7: STAR TREK (2009)

Sitting in the cinema waiting for this to come on I felt wrong. The whole thing was wrong. A kid did the whole live long and prosper thing when I was going to get my ticket but other than that it was just like going to see any other film, not a Star Trek one. This film made Star Trek cool, people who wouldn't go near Nemesis or First Contact were sitting next to me. It was almost like a mass of people patting you on the back for years of service in geekland. It was an awesome film too, a high packed action space adventure. Which is pretty much what Star Treks always been about. Still kind of weird though.

6: MOON (2009)

Zowie Bowie makes a film. A bloody awesome film too. It has the same feeling as an old bleak 60s or 70s Science Fictions film, like Silent Running or 2001. It deals a lot with the loneliness of it all. Sam Rockwell is so good in this film, he should have won an award or two. He plays Sam Bell who's coming to the end of his three year service on the moon when things start to go wrong. I could tell you what they are but that would ruin your enjoyment of the whole thing, and you will enjoy it. It's bloody brilliant.

5: THE FOUNTAIN (2006)

This was originally going to be a big budget film with Cate Blanchett and Brad Pitt, Pitt left the production and suddenly the budget was halved, and in steps Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz to save the day. A lot of people hate Hugh Jackman, after watching this I couldn't be one of those. I love this film so much, it's one of those films that I kept thinking about for days after seeing it. A lot of people didn't understand it. I just connected with it. Aronofsky making another good film, like no one saw that coming.

4: INCEPTION (2010)

Yeah Inception only made number four. I bloody loved this film, Christopher Nolan does it again. Almost every film he's made in the last decade has appeared in these lists at some point with the exception of Batman Begins, he's one of the best directors currently working in Hollywoodland. Excuse me if I'm repeating myself here but this film blew me away. Again a lot of people didn't understand it. I have no idea why, it's a science fiction film. Deal with it.

3: SERENITY (2005)

Being a huge geek I fucking loved Firefly, I tried to stay away from it because it got cancelled before I'd even caught an episode and from what people were saying it was going to be upsetting. Being the geek I am I couldn't stay away for long and bought it on dvd, and yes I was very very very very sad when I got to the end and realised that was it. Till the film. What a fucking movie. It was the perfect way to end the whole thing, I would love to see another one but it didn't make enough money in the States, the bastards. It also does what Return of the Jedi should have and kills a character towards the final act which puts you on edge as you realise that any character could be dead by the end of the film. I'm getting goosebumps just talking about it. I think I know what I'll be watching tonight.

2: CHILDREN OF MEN (2006)

Clive Owen is another actor a lot of people hate. I bloody love the guy. Like all of the films on this list it blew me away. The fact intelligent science fiction is still being made is a fucking miracle when all you usually get is crap like Skyline. That made me want to throw up out my nose. Humanity is dying out, people aren't having babies anymore, the last person was born 18 years ago, and he's just died. Clive Owen is wrapped into protecting what could be mankind's salvation. I love a good dystopian vision of the future, and like most good science fiction it uses the environment to make commentary about the stupidity of the world we're living in.If you haven't seen it. You bloody well should. Oh and it's another film with Michael Caine in it too. He gets about a bit for an old fella.

1: DISTRICT 9 (2009)

I'm not going to lie to you. I was shouting at the screen towards the end of this film. A lot. Like I was almost jumping on my seat in the cinema. It's one of those films that I watched whilst trying not to scream holy shit when the next awesome thing happened. This film snuck up on me. Someone told me about some new science fiction film that was meant to be quite good , so I looked into it online. It looked a little better than the usual Independence Day kind of crap, and it was already out in America so I didn't have long to wait. FUCKING HELL IT WAS AMAZING. Like Children of Men it was a proper science fiction film that made a commentary about the way we currently live our lives, but it was wrapped up in an amazing extravaganza that was just a joy to watch. Not just the best of the decade, but one of the best of all time. Yeah I said it.

Best Comic book films of the decade

10: V FOR VENDETTA (2006)

I remember hearing about the comic book for years but never being able to find it anywhere. Finally got the graphic novel on a trip to Canada in a basement comic store in Montreal. It was awesome. Like most people I was terrified of going to see this, when you have a comic book like V for Vendetta you never know what you're gonna get when you go to see the film. A lot of things had changed. It no longer seemed to have the balls of the comic, but the changes they made didn't hurt the film and it turned out to be pretty awesome.

9: IRON MAN (2008)

I've never really liked Iron Man as a character, the only version of him I ever enjoyed was in The Ultimates. Thankfully it appears that was Robert Downey Jr and Jon Favreau's favourite version too. This film has no right to be as good as it is, but it's the performance of Robert Downey Jr and the comedy they manage to inject into the film that turned it into the beast it became. For a while I even forgot how crap Iron Man was, and if a film can do that, it can do anything.

8: HELLBOY 2: THE GOLDEN ARMY (2008)

You can tell Guillermo Del Toro made Pans Labyrinth between the first and second Hellboy films, the mythical world he builds is awesome and a lot of it is straight out of the comic book. Something he never quite managed in the first one. Not saying the first ones bad, it just lacked a lot of the supernatural elements synonymous with Hellboy. He's always been one of my favourite characters and it's a film that could have been done very badly if the wrong director had been attached to it. Hopefully Guillermo Del Toro will get to make another one soon.

7: THE INCREDIBLE HULK (2008)

I'm going to go on  record as saying I didn't actually mind Ang Lees version of the Hulk. The crazy CGI fest at the end was hideous but up till then I was with it. This one doesn't balls it up in the same way. It seems to mix elements of the comic book and TV series together and creates something awesome. I've loved the Hulk since I was a kid and was giggling throughout the film with giddy excitement. Which can only be a good thing. Kind of gutted Ed Norton isn't playing the Hulk in the Avengers but these things happen in Hollywoodland. Bastards.

6: SIN CITY (2005)

It's not often you go to see a film based on any form of literature and what's on the page is exactly what's on the screen. It was such a strange experience going to see it. As with most of the films on this list I was a fan of the comic but I never expected such an amazing spectacle. The technique they used doesn't always work, The Spirit was fucking hideous, but it would have been horrendous is they'd just shot it like a normal film. Totally blew me away.

5: SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD (2010)

Having read Scott Pilgrim I couldn't think of a way to turn it into a film. Thankfully Edgar Wright did, and what a film he made. It has all the elements a fan of the graphic novels could want, and it's a bloody good film if you've never read it. Which can only be a good thing, right? Apparently according to some reviewers you'll only like this film if you're under 30. Fuck you. Fuck you right in the ass.

4: KICK ASS (2010)

Nicolas Cage is awesome in this. Let me say that again, Nicolas Cage is awesome in this. How often have we been able to say that in the last decade. I know the rest of the cast are also awesome, Hit Girl steals every scene she's in, but I still found it hard to get past the fact that Nicolas Cage had managed to be good in another good film. Only took him seven years. Crap I better say something about this film. I fucking loved every minute of it, how's that ?

3: HISTORY OF VIOLENCE (2005)

It's official, Viggo Mortenson brings out some crazy thing in David Cronenberg which allows him to throw his genius at the screen in a new and amazing way. I'd never read the graphic novel of this, I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one either. Cronenberg has always managed to tap into something deep down inside of me and this is no different. It succeeds on so many levels. If you haven't seen it, you really have to.

2: WATCHMEN (2009)

They were never going to be able to fit the full 12 issues of the comic into this film. The fact they managed to get as much of it in and not only make a film that made sense but highly enjoyable is a fucking miracle. Terry Gilliam had said for years that it was impossible to make, and he's a fucking genius. Obviously some things had changed which meant some other things had to change but the end product is mind blowing. It's one of the most perfect comic book films ever made and at no point tries to hide away the violence or depravity of the original work. I can't wait for Snyders Superman, the guy knows how to make a good comic book film.

1: THE DARK KNIGHT (2008)

I watched this again recently and it just keeps getting better the more I see it, and I went to see it in the cinema twice. There's not a bad performance in this film. Aaron Eckhart is perfect as Harvey Dent and his turn is probably the best acting performance in the film. Don't get me wrong Heath Ledger was amazing as the Joker but Eckhart deserves just as much praise, if not more. I know he didn't die or anything but that's not his fault. The saddest thing about this film is that the Joker won't make an appearance in the next one. The whole 'we need each other' speech gives me goosebumps and is the most accurate portrayal of the relationship between the Joker and Batman I've ever seen on film, very The Killing Joke.