Friday, 8 July 2011

Transformers: Dark of the moon

Michael Bay
Shia LaBeouf
John Turturro
Frances McDormand
John Malkovich

A few years back I went to the cinema to watch the first transformers film and I loved it. So much that I even went to see it twice, which isn't that unusual for me. Then the weirdest thing happened when I got it on dvd... It was fucking awful. Not just bad but so bad I didn't believe it was the same film. So I never went to see the second one in the cinema, I waited for the dvd, I couldn't even make it to the end of the film it was so bad. So when the new one came out I decided that I had to see it in the cinema.
Transformers: Dark of the moon could possibly be the worst film I have ever seen in the cinema, this is coming from a guy who saw Dick Tracy there. Nothing in this film makes sense. It just falls deeper into the plot holes it creates for itself. If you're a fan of time, then you're fucked because there is no such thing as time in transformers 3, things happen randomly whenever Michael Bay decides they need to, regardless of the laws of physics.

Speaking of things that randomly happen when did it become okay to to have random things constantly  happen throughout a film. There is literally a scene where 2 characters are right next to each other then in under a minute one of those characters in a situation of jeopardy without any set up whatsoever.
This film is so annoying, I really wanted to enjoy it, but I only came close to enjoying it once and it was ruined by some random shit that didn't make sense. Seriously there's leaving your brain at the door before you walk in and then there's posting it second class to an island off the coast of Fiji. I enjoy dumb films but this one really takes the piss. People mocked the Green Lantern film for the hot wheels moment but at least they set it up earlier in the film, it wasn't like it was randomly pulled out of mid air.
Michael Bay decided to make this film by having a big emotional speech, big action sequence then straight onto the next big speech and big action sequence without setting anything up for it. It was like watching a storyboard.

Films like this really piss me off. I enjoy big dumb blockbuster films but I had to force myself not to walk out midway through the film. Oh and for all you people out there who are like "What the fuck are you talking about, it was awesome", wait a couple of years, watch it at home and I guarantee that you will spend half your time wondering if you put the wrong film in the DVD player. Fucking horrific.


  1. Everyone seems to be saying the same thing. Seems to me I'm finally being vindicated for thinking Michael Bay can't make films, just shit that goes bang in a spectacular fashion. He knows nothing else.

  2. Yeah bud, he basically makes every film the same way... The only good thing about this film was that I didn't have to stare at that cunt Megan Fox... She's bloody terrible :D

  3. He also produced the remakes of Friday the 13th, Nightmare on elm street, the hitcher, texas chainsaw massacre, and The amityville horror... So he's to blame for those too... cunt.