Saturday, 22 January 2011

Trick or Treat




Trick or Treat is another classic from the 80s. Back when Gene Simmons decided he wanted to be an actor. Like seriously the guy was in one of the biggest bands in the world and just decided to go make films instead of concentrating on the music. Luckily for him he got involved in classic films like Wanted: Dead or Alive with Rutger Hauer and Runaway with Tom Selleck. Okay so they’re the only good ones he made but at least he didn’t make a tit of himself.

The film was directed by the awesome actor Charles Martin Smith, for those of you who don’t recognise the name he was the bald one in the untouchables who was killed in the lift. I think he did anyway. Fuck I’ll check it later. Sure it also leads to an awesome speech by Sean Connery too.

Anyway I digress, for those of you who don’t know, this is a film about a recently deceased rock start who possess a kid after he falls asleep listening to his last recording. The kid then goes after the bullies that have been tormenting him in high school. It’s better than it sounds though. Honest guvnor, would I lie to you??? 

So the film begins with Eddie (Marc Price), he’s writing a letter to rock star Sammi Curr. They come from the same town and Eddie feels an affinity towards the big haired motherfucker. But hey, it was the 80s. All the rock stars had big giant awesome hair. He’s been getting problems from bullies in his school. But let’s face it, you never got into rock music to be cool. Oh he just got thrown into the gym naked by the guy from desperate housewives. No wonder the twins are so messed up. 

So the films only been on 5 minutes and already Eddie’s been horrifically humiliated and he’s writing to a rock star like he’s his lover. Seriously it’s kinda creepy. Not in a good way. Like a stalker fan kind of way. To make matters worse the crazy rock star just died in a hotel fire. I like the way the film parodies the furore the 80s had with rock music here. I mean they took twisted sister to court in the 80s. Yeah rock music steals your soul makes you love Satan, apparently. 

Here’s big Gene, fuck yeah. He’s a DJ playing for a local rock station. Strangely he’s friendly with Eddie who let’s face it, so far has come across like a creepy little fucker. He even gives Eddie a copy of Sammi's last ever record. That’s a pretty good friend right there. He’s meant to play the fucker at midnight on Halloween, but he’s giving it to this weird little guy. What the fuck? 

Anyway Eddie’s life gets worse when he goes to a pool party after being invited by the only girl in the school that seems to show him any interest. You know it isn’t gonna end well since the guy from Desperate Housewives is there. Oh yeah there it is, humiliation. Thrown in the pool. The guy seriously didn’t see that coming, it was a pool party. I have friends that would throw me in if they got the chance; he should have gone in a wetsuit.

He goes home and falls asleep to the record, he has some crazy ass dreams and next thing you know the records talking to him. Like the way queen said it’s fun to smoke marihuana. I miss the good old days of crazy America politicians playing records backwards to prove rock stars were trying to get you to do drugs and worship Satan. Dumb fuckers.

The guy has balls though, he just fucked over that desperate housewives guy, he’s  gonna pay it for it soon but at least you see the guy as less of a waste of skin. I mean you want to make the main character appear weak but so far he has nothing going for him other than his love of rock music and the classic geek friend. He has bully fodder written all over him, poor guy. 

Just to say, if you have records at home and you start to hear them talking to you, not just talking to you but answering your questions it’s time to take the needle off the record. For those of you young bastards out there that have no idea what I’m talking about a record is the biggest loss the record industry has ever had. Seriously if we still had all the vinyl there wouldn’t be as much piracy, it actually felt like you owned something. That when you paid your money you went home with something substantial. I better end this now before I start to rant. You get my point though. I may be romancing it a little but the best way to listen to Ziggy Stardust is on a turntable. FACT.

So Eddie has a new found confidence because he started talking to the record of the dead guy, it’s also turned him into a bit of a prick. He just said ciao, who the fuck actually says that. I mean outside of Italy. That’s when you know someone’s an asshole. Ciao, seriously. 
Here comes Ozzy playing evangelist and moralist crusader Rev. Aaron Gilstrom. You’ve got to love Ozzy, I mean before he became a celebrity and recorded that awful covers album. But hey, Gene Simmons has done a lot worse, have you heard his version of Firestarter. Seriously though, it made my ears bleed urine. 

Eddie is yet again talking to the record, well it did just put a girl in hospital. That crazy rock music taking control of people, making them get naked and have to go to hospital. Seriously that’s something that actually just happened, not the title of my autobiography. So the film is a little weird, but it’s an 80s horror film what the hell were you expecting? It’s not as weird as Sleepaway camp but it’s not far off it. Oh go watch Sleepaway Camp if you get the chance, it’s fucked up. 

To catch you up with what’s going on in the film, Eddie’s decided talking to a record is pretty weird so throws it out, he gets his geek friend to steal back the copy that made the girl get naked and go to hospital. The geek ends up listening to it, talking to it and now he’s about to play it at the schools Halloween disco. Oh and Sammi’s now appeared in the flesh even though he’s dead and has spent the film talking through a record. Awesome.

Shit hits the fan at the school disco when the dead rock star appears, no one’s even put off with the fact that a dead guy just walked out an amp and started playing some tunes. I do love those 80s rock tunes. Eddies rushing through to save the day because let’s face it he’s the fucking hero in this film. Just as well really because Sammi’s killing people at the disco by shooting bolts of lightning out his guitar. Yeah you read that right, shooting bolts of lightning out his guitar. 

If you haven’t heard enough to know you have to watch this film then seriously what is wrong with you. Go out and buy it before I ruin the ending for you. Don’t worry I won’t. I’ll leave it here. I’ve been using my works new PC and I’m not used to it. I keep hitting the print button instead of the shift key. Seriously, who the fuck puts a print hotkey in the place you normally have the shift key., It’s building up some major rage and I have to put this thing down before it goes out the fucking window.

Until next time, oh and before I forget the film for next week’s review is the awesome STEEL DAWN. Yeah I totally just hit the print button again. KHAAAAAAAN.

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