1984
Director
Starring
Another 80's classic, I feel a theme coming on here. Like 80's January or something, but that sounds retarded so we'll see how things go. Anyway, this is a classic lost gem. It has a good cast, Catherine Mart Stewart was in this the same year she was in The Last Starfighter which is another classic of the decade. 2 classics in one year, fuckawesome.
This wasn't exactly a hit though, it passed a lot of people. But that's why fuckheads like me have film blogs to remind you of the crap you should have been watching when you were out playing doctors with the red headed girl next door. You know if it was a film you'd get together at the end as teenagers and be like we were meant for each other, but this being real life you just can't get past the fact that your mum has a picture of you both naked in the bath together.
Anyway, this is a zombie apocalypse, sci-fi, comedy. I think that's the best way to describe it. Basically a comet goes past the Earth, (what you didn't get that from the title?) turns out this comet turns people to dust, those that survived due to being indoors turn into crazy zombie types, and a small selection who were indoors surrounded by metal were fine. It makes sense... It's a fucking movie that has that chick from The Last Starfighter and Chakotay in it. I'm not going to complain. Films have stupid shit happening in them. Deal with it.
Anyway so the film starts with a creepy ass voiceover about dinosaurs dying out and shit, then you get to Reggie (Catherine Mary Stewart, Last Starfighter chick) and she's playing an arcade game. Which she rules at. She's working in the cinema and getting it on with the projectionist guy, who has some nice mullet action going on. Anyway, she stays in the booth with him over night when the comet is going on outside. Which is how she stays alive. She has a sister, Samantha (Kelli Marony) who is a spoilt little bitch but there's some set up of her. She survives by hiding in a lawn shed. Kind of gross but since everyone else turned to red dust I think she'll deal with it.
Reggie wakes up the next morning, her boyfriend with the mullet goes out to see what happened to the film he was expecting. He goes out and get's eaten. Damn, mullet mans gone already. Probably just as well though, cause I'm sure I'd end up talking about it the whole film. I could just take about Samantha and Reggies great 80's perms, but it's just not the same thing. Oh and the mullet guy deserves to die because he just said Superman can't see through steel. Even Reggie knows it's lead. Fucking dick, can't wait for him to get eaten now. Fucker deserves it. What? I'm not a geek or anything. Everyone knows that shit. Even Reggie.
Everywhere's covered in red dust and there's clothes all over the street covered in the stuff. Like everyone got naked and had a crazy party, that would make me run away because I'm a fucking prude. Yeah, I'm Mr. rock 'n' roll. I also love the outfits and music in this film. The 80's were awesome, I don't care what the hell people say about it. People wore the craziest shit. There was a period of time in the 90's when I wore a suit jacket with the sleeves rolled up. Now that's a fucking look I want to see come back.
Anyway Reggie's currently walking the streets, and they're dead but she isn't thinking anything’s wrong yet because people were out late watching the comet. That's until she sees the guy eating her boyfriend, and not in a gay way. In a zombie way. She kicks the zombie’s ass and runs home. Her sister is blissfully unaware of anything unusual going on, but she's the dumb blond cheerleader type. So Reggie explains to Samantha that everyone’s dead. In the most brutal way possible. Picking up the dust surrounding the person’s clothes and saying who that dust used to be. Awesome.
It sounds like there's someone at the radio station, so they head there. It's abandoned and there's a tape loop playing the mornings show but luckily this is where they meet Chakotay (Hector played by Robert Beltran). So they do whatever anyone would do in their situation and take over the radio station for a while and put on some of their favourite tunes... AIRHEADS style.
Whilst they take over the station they receive a call, from people in the desert. Scientists are holed up in a research facility. To make things better Geoffrey fucking Lewis is there. He's awesome. I love him in Way of the Gun, that's another film you should watch if you haven't seen it. It almost makes you stop caring that Juliette Lewis is a scientologist. Just for a second though, still one of the saddest things I found out this year. That's another teenage crush down the drain.
So they're starting to work out what’s happened, seems what happened to the zombies is happening to the zombies, just slower. Anyway Samantha goes out and starts driving around in a fast car, which we should all do if there's an apocalypse, and she get's stopped by the police. But they aren't normal police, they're zombie cops. Now there's an idea for a TV show... ZOMBIE COPS. Made of gold.
Anyway Chakotay goes to see if he can find his family and the girls do what any girls would so in this situation. Go get some guns and go shopping. As you would. I love that in these films the shops are always open. Either that or it's suddenly easy to break into them. But let’s face it when there's zombie's walking around then going shopping isn't always the best idea. Especially since in this film they can talk and still have some intelligence.
Now we go to Chakotay getting to his house, his mum is gone. But don't worry there's a zombie kid hitting around. There's also some strange comedy style music when he's trying to get away from the kid. Sometimes this film doesn't know if it wants to be an all out scare fest or a comedy. A lot of films that try to bridge the gap, have that problem. Recently films like Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead have managed to do both, but most find it hard, like The Cottage.
Turns out the scientists are starting to forget shit, they left the air conditioning on so it looks like they’re gonna be turning into zombies soon too. But I'm getting ahead of myself. That happens later when it's more relevant to the main characters of the film. Don't you just love it when that happens. Like when a guy is bitten by a zombie and turns in seconds when 2 minutes earlier a guy just turned who was bitten at the start of the film. Always happens, I think they call that dramatic effect or something. All I'm saying is that when zombies attack, which they will, I'm just going to shoot anyone that get's bitten. I don't need dramatic effect in my life thank you very much.
Now it's time for posing in 80's clothes by the girls, dancing around in the shops. For some reason Samantha is dancing around in underwear and a hat but Cyndi Lauper's playing so I'm sure it's all good and not remotely exploitative. Turns out they picked the wrong store, zombies are in there working as security. That's that dramatic effect thing I was talking about. Let's face it if they went around not seeing zombies anywhere it would be a pretty fucking dull film. Just people walking about in nothingness with nothing happening to them. Fun.
So the scientists turn up, help them out and this is the point when I realise I'm about to ruin the whole film by telling you everything that's about to happen, thus negating your need to watch it. Which is the opposite of what I want to happen. I write these things so you'll go out, buy them, and watch them. Not download them mind, I said buy them. You do realise that piracy funds terrorism right? Heard that in a trailer so it must be true and not the government trying to scare us. Like moving the terror alert status because the prime minister burnt his toast. It was all the fault of terrorists coming in and changing the dial on his toaster. The bastards.
Losing my point again, that nearly never happens. So to roughly go through what happens until the end of the film. Reggie gets taken away by the scientists, meets more survivors. Chakotay and Samantha go to get her. That's the best I can do without ruining the film for you, and you should watch it because it's made of awesome. 80's awesome and isn't that the best kind? Like any John Cusack film from the 80's, I feel like grabbing a boom box and standing outside whilst lifting it above my head and listening to Peter Gabriel right now. Now if that isn't one of the most iconic film moments of the 80's I don't know what is.
